It seems that the older I get, the more I want to try new things. And it’s rather scary. After all, my desire to draw and paint doesn’t magically grant me special artistic powers that haven’t yet appeared in the past fifty-two years of life. My wish to sing well doesn’t transform the reality that I cannot. My dream to paddle board doesn’t grace me with fitness, balance and strength. So why, when I’ve spent my entire life avoiding things I am not good at, have I suddenly determined that I don’t care if I’m good at them or not? Why have I decided to embrace the very things from which I’ve ran away for half a century?

Whatever the reason, I found myself online a few days ago, excitedly ordering a sketch pad, some pens, and a few pencils. Amazon Prime delivered, and within 48 hours of my impulsive decision, I bravely began my artist’s life by drawing flowers.

Flowers? I guess I was inspired by the kitchen towel laying on the table. And I didn’t know what else to try. So tonight was my third night of trying my hand at sketching flowers and leaves onto a piece of paper that in the end probably shouldn’t be shown to another soul on the planet and would be put to shame by a kindergarten art show. That’s how bad my art is.

But in the quiet of the late evening, while the doggies snored in their kennel and the hubby was gone to work, I had something to do. And it made me happy. I felt relaxed. I smiled. I carefully chose the colors that pleased my brain and I was so busy that the temptation for a midnight snack was replaced by mint tea and music. It seemed I had found a space of peace and joy that hasn’t existed since childhood.

I don’t know how long this little episode of aspiring to be the next Frida Kahlo will last. But that, too, doesn’t matter. What is important is this: As I age, I want to feel alive. The time to jet ski, sky dive, paddle board, sing, and draw ugly flowers and leaves is now. I don’t want to lay on my death bed some day, wishing I’d tried. I’d rather pass on with a mischievous smile on my face, knowing I embraced my fears, took some tumbles, and maybe even became a better artist along the way.